Maltesers

Sorry to disappoint the chocoholics amongst you, but I'm referring to the people from the island of Malta.

I mentioned in passing in the last entry that the company I work for appears to be going places. That's certainly true, and might be all the way to the Mediterranean. Setting up the office here in Southampton and obtaining a UK gaming licence was done for commuting convenience. The local airport has direct flights to Germany, and office property here is slightly cheaper than say Manchester or Birmingham.

...but office property is even cheaper in Malta, and their taxes for gaming companies are far, far more beneficial.

Having an office there is definately what the big bosses want, but the decision hasn't been made yet whether the Southampton operation moves en masse, or if we will work across two sites. One thing is for certain if the new office opens, I will be going over there to train the new staff. Should take about 3 weeks, but if the weather's nice I'll see if I can stretch it out to the full month :)

This couldn't have come at a worse time. Right now all that is on my mind is Sarah, and the upcoming arrival of the baby. (oh, quick update. She is in some kind of slow labour, but if nothing has happened by May 8th, she will be induced). Thankfully I haven't been given a decision to make yet, but if I am, I really don't know what to do.

Option 1: I'm told that the Southampton office is shifting to Malta, new staff will be found and I train them and manage them. That would mean me relocating on a permenant basis. As it stands I'm already having a long distance relationship with Sarah, so things wouldn't change much. I could still visit her once a month. The hardest part there would be for our long term future.

Option 2: I'm told there will be two offices, I need to train the new Maltese staff, and then manage them, along with the Southampton staff too. Probably the best solution for me. Nothing changes in terms of my location, but my responsibility shoots up (and hopefully my wages). I will probably have to make regular trips to Malta at the company's expense. As far as my relationship with Sarah goes, nothing would change at all, except I might have more money :)

Option 3: Malta doesn't happen and we just stay as we are. Another promising option, but with a sense that the company doesn't want to grow. On a personal level, nothing is effected, but from a works point of view it would appear we are standing still, instead of speeding forward.

It's all up in the air at the moment, so there is no need for me to panic, or make plans. I'm just waiting for futher updates from the powers that be. In some ways I do hope the Malta plans do come together...

...if only so I can get a free holiday in the sun.

6 months

It almost slipped me by unnoticed. I've been in Southampton now for 6 months.

Looking back, not much has changed since I first arrived here. I still work long hours, I still have a broken sleep pattern, I still have 'bad' days and I still run out of money each month.

...but some things have changed. The hours maybe long, but the work is easier now I have an assistant. The sleep pattern maybe be broken, but at least I do actually sleep. There are 'bad' days but they no longer out number the good ones, and I may run out of money, but at least it's my money, not money I owe someone else.

I make the regular trips back to IOM I promised myself, I drink less (not sure if that's something I've done consciously, I think it's more to do with the fact the pub has closed down next to work), and now I have Sarah in my life, something I never thought would happen, even in my wildest dreams.

The walk to work is still the same, but now it's accompanied by Pink Floyd or The Hollies.
I have Twenty20 cricket to look forward to, and a holiday in Norfolk. It feels like the company is going places too, and thankfully I was in at the start.

...Life isn't perfect, but it's certainly getting better.

p.s. Don't forget readers, please leave a comment on the previous post. Even if it's just to say 'Hi'

Random thoughts...

...of a 30-Something year old idiot.

This blog has evolved. When it first started, it was just me venting off my frustration at being alone on the South coast. As far as I knew, only one person read it, but it didn't matter, it was a great way to release ideas, thoughts, emotions and test my literary talents.

It's been over 5 months now since the first post, and the blog has definately taken a change of course. I'm no longer writing to amuse myself, by osmosis I suddenly have an audience. Family, friends, old flames, old drinking partners, pub buddies, random locals. In some ways it's quite exciting.

I have a request, to EVERYONE reading this, especially to those who have read the blog all the way through. PLEASE leave a comment on this post. Tell me honestly what you think of it so far. Be critical, or complimentary whatever is appropriate. I don't care who you are, how you know me (or even if you don't) just leave a comment on this particular post.

I have no intention of stopping this blog, in some ways it's helped me get through the loneliness of my existance, but I'd love some major feedback on what works, and what doesn't.

Thank you all in advance.

Sarah-Jayne Part II

It must be love :o)

At 13:38 today I got a text of Sarah: I'm in labour, or should say early stages of labour.

Now, given the situation, the natural reaction should really be for me to offer her my love, wish her well and just wait til I hear more news. No. I've spent the rest of the afternoon with goosebumps, grinning like the Cheshire Cat, and trying desperately to find someone online who can provide me with updates. Work has taken a back-seat today. Even forgot to eat lunch (now that is a first!)

Thankfully Sarah has messaged me again. She's doing well, and it is very early stages. It's definately started though. I cannot believe how irritating it is being on a seperate piece of land to her. I actually feel helpless. I'm not even sure I could do anything if I was there, but the fact that I can't even offer, is really frustrating me.

...can't wait to meet the new arrival.

x x

IOW vs IOM

I've recently returned from a day trip to the Isle of Wight. Thought I'd write a little entry comparing this island to the Isle of Man, my home for 11 years. Please bear in mind that my views of IOW are only based on a short visit, whereas my perspective of IOM is based on 11 years of residency. I do plan on going back to IOW again to see if my initial impression was accurate or not.

Firstly, the crossing. IOW wins here hands down. The ferry was a little haven of luxury, nice food, good bar service, comfy seats and a mulitude of panoramic windows to look out of. And there is actually things to view too. The trip to IOW takes you down an estuary, so there is land on both sides of you for the entire journey. There is also a lot of 'traffic' to keep you interested...and the cost? think it was £18 for three people and a car, each way. Oh and the boats sail every hour.

Compare that to IOM. Lucky if there is two ferries a day. Cost of taking a car requires a remortgage of your house, and the facilities on board lead a lot to be desired.

But what about when you get there. I'm talking now as a foot passenger, who has just stepped off the boat. Well, here it's an easy victory for IOM. Plenty of pubs, cafes, the horse tram and bus depot all within sight of the terminal doors. Taxis waiting for you if you want to go further afield. The main shopping area is less than 5 minutes away, as is the gorgeous Gaiety Theatre.

Disembarking in East Cowes in IOW was like stepping into a wild west ghost town. One pub - The White Hart Inn - (which looked as though it would fall down in a light breeze), one post office that also doubled as a supermarket, bank and is probably owned by 'local people' and about 5 other shops that all looked closed or uninviting. The only place for a foot passenger to get to would be West Cowes, which involved waiting 20 mins for a chain-ferry. West Cowes was slightly more appealing, with several eating and drinking establishments, but I never once saw a taxi rank, so travelling further away would require detailed knowledge of the buses.

After getting out of Cowes, I did see Ryde, one of the 'larger' towns on IOW. This had potential. A traditional sea-front with ice-cream vendors, amusement arcades and a beach. Shops that seemed a good mix of practical as well as 'touristy' and a few well placed watering holes. Coupled with the nice weather I got, this had given IOW a few extra points in the overall ratings.

But compared to IOM? no contest. The equivalent of Ryde on IOM, would probably be Peel, or Laxey. Laxey has the beautiful Glens on it's doorstep, Peel, the scenic backdrop of the castle and the traditional harbour. IOM wins again.

If there was a dream compromise, it would be taking the ferry trip to IOW (the cost, the travel time and the view), but instead of arriving in Cowes, I arrive in Douglas instead.

My second trip to IOW will be during the summer, and it will be as a foot passenger. I'll let you know if anything has changed to alter my opinion.

Sarah-Jayne

It'd be wrong of me not to write an entry about Sarah. She's becoming more and more a part of my life, and at the same time she's getting closer and closer to becoming a Mum.

We've had long chats about the situation, about the baby's father, about us living apart. After all the linen has been washed at 40 degrees with seperate softener and hung out to dry, we are still together.

I have no fears about becoming a 'Dad' to someone else's child. I remember when I was a bingo caller my Mum once said she could see me taking on a ready-made family :o) Of course I do have some concerns, it's a very tricky situation, but we are open with each other about everything. Thankfully, we are both taking it slow and steady, and even in these early stages, we are both enjoying it - Well I certainly am, and she definately seems to be!

My next visit to IOM will be after baby is born, and I've already made arrangements to spend a little time with them both. We are also going away as a family unit at the end of the summer for a UK break. One of those situations that will either break us or bond us.

The important thing is, I have those butterflies. My face lights up when my phone vibrates with a text. I giggle when I see her name in my e-mail inbox. It's like being a teenager all over again.

She sometimes gets a bad press in IOM, but no one has taken the time to dig beneath the surface. Sarah-Jayne is a lovely woman, and I'm a lucky guy.

...she's a twin too, and thankfully, I get on well with her brother. God job really because he's in the RAF, and I bet he's got big friends he could call on!!

I am a coward

I've always suspected it, but never owned up to the fact. Now I have proof that I'm a coward.

It all stems from the moral dilemma "What would you do if you heard a woman screaming for help?" Natually, I assumed I'd be the knight in shining armour, and run to her aid, but on Tuesday night I failed the test.

It was exactly 3am. I had been sound asleep, but something had woken me. I thought at first I'd left a horror film playing on my video, or it was music coming from next door, but it wasn't. It was a blood-curdling scream for help, coming from outside my window.

I lay there, still not sure of what I'd heard, but then it happened again. This wasn't a playful scream, or even a drunken woman playing games, this was a real cry for help . And what did I do? Nothing.

I listened intently for other sounds. I half expected to hear male raised voices, or even the sound of a fight, but there was nothing but the woman's intermitent out-crys. I tried sheepishly looking out of my bedroom window, but she must have been directly below me and I could see nothing. I moved into the lounge and tried looking out of the french windows, but I still couldn't see anything.

Then a man appeared from the flats opposite, holding back a huge dog on a leash. He was talking to the person who had been screaming, but he hadn't crossed the road. Conclusion: she wasn't alone, and she wasn't in need of medical attention. Something about the situation was dangerous though, if a man with a huge dog was avoiding approaching.

After that, it all died down. No more voices, no police sirens, no ambulances. I still don't know what actually happened, but all I do know is I didn't even have the guts to step out onto the safety of my balcony to see if anyone needed assistance.

Perhaps I've been too long away from big city life, perhaps IOM has softened me. I just felt so ashamed of not taking positive action. Is is a sign of our decaying society? Or is it just me that is sinking.

I still believe that if the circumstances were different I can still help someone in distress. If I walk along a cliff head and hear 'Help' from below, I know I wouldn't ignore it. If I came across a burning building and 'Help' came from inside, I know I was take some kind of action.

...but at 3am, a cry for help from a woman will remain unanswered because I am a coward.

Street Cleaning

All the animals come out at night. Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets. - Travis Bickle, Taxi Driver (1976)

I had the weekend off. Quite a novelty for me, usually I'm working - after all, Saturday and Sunday are the busiest days in the world of sport. But not this week. This week I was free to amuse myself, weather and money permitting.

Well sadly, both of those elements had a major contributing factor to my actions this weekend. Nevermind. There was a pile of laundry the size of K2 to do, a case of beer that was in danger of going past it's sell-by date, and a whole shelf unit packed with DVDs just aching to be watched.

I got an early night on the Friday, with the intention of starting my weekend with a well deserved lie-in. Guess which idiot forgot to turn his alarm off and was woken up at 6am?

By midday I was onto my 2nd load of washing, my 4th film, and my 5th beer. By early evening the flat smelt like a laundrette, I had become the world's leading expert on Hitchcock movies and I was singing the theme tune to 'Cheers' to myself.

I went to bed at about midnight. Surprisingly I'd had a really enjoyable day. For Sunday I planned on having the lie-in I'd missed out on that morning, and if the weather held up, I'd go for a walk to finally explore the surrounding area. Typically, I was kept awake by the usual Saturday sounds. It starts of with boistrous shouting as large groups head into town for a night out. A few hours later the city is filled with a deafening orchestra of police and ambulance sirens. The night is rounded off by the boistrous voices coming home, usually attempting to sing, kicking tin cans and talking to random lamp-posts at the top of their voices.

...but the next day started off beautifully. I woke early again (must be a sub-conscience thing). I went into the lounge and looked out of the window. The street was deserted but the rain was bucketing down. I stepped out onto the balcony, and just watched the downpour. It felt so fresh and cleansing. (It was at this point that I decided pyjama shorts and a t-shirt were inappropriate attire, so I nipped back in, got changed and went back out again)

The overhang of the roof was just enough to keep my dry, but if I stretched out my arm I could feel the water, so refreshing. The hum of traffic from the duel carriage way in the background almost sounded like a flowing river. I think I stayed there for about 15 minutes. When I went back inside I kept the french windows open so I could carry on listening to the water.

Sadly the rest of the day couldn't match that. I couldn't go out because I'd get soaked, so it was back to the sofa, back to the DVDs and a lot of texting. I did make an attempt to clean the bathroom at one point, and ran a vacuum cleaner over the lounge floor, but other than that I was a sofa slob.

Towards the end of the night I had two bizarre text momemts at almost the same time. Sarah-Jayne suggested I'd been having a fling with Leah from the Isle of Man (chance would be a fine thing... Leah is gorgeous!!) and Jackie suggested I was flirting with her when she told me her divorce had come through. I read the text back, and I still can't work out where the flirt is. I must be good. I can flirt subconsciously now :o) I'm glad I'm hundreds of miles away - I'd be getting slaps from a whole army of women otherwise, and I haven't even done anything (for once!)

So there you go. An uneventful weekend off, but a thoroughly enjoyable one. I'm off again on Tuesday and Wednesday and I get to see French and Saunders Live then. Life isn't always crap.

....sub note. If you want to make structures out of empty cans, don't drink a prime number of beers. When I had 11 empties there was always one left over or I was one short for whatever construction I tried to make. Stupidly I tried again after I'd had two more. 13 was worse than 11 !! Maybe that's why they sell them in multiples of 4.

Life is Crap

It's one of life's bitter ironies. I write a blog entry called 'Death of a Friend', and at the same time, a friend dies.

I've just found out that my old supervisor at the private bank I worked for has died of cancer.

Andrea was wonderful to work with. When she was training me, I thought she was really stern and had no sense of humour. By the time I left the bank 9 months later we were amazing friends. We both had the same taste in music and she also loved going horse racing. At that time, I was visiting race meetings about once a month and when I came back to work, she was always keen to find out how I got on and to find out what the track was like.

I know she backed me up behind my back to the bosses if I was a few minutes late for work, or took slightly too long for lunch. (although she always pretended she hadn't). She was really sympathetic to the fact I was having to work two full-time jobs. When I finally left, we kept in touch by e-mail right up until the end. She hated all my replacements at work, she once said none of them could match me :o) At one point when I was looking for work again, she arranged an interview for me back at the bank because she said she couldn't work without me! (well so she said anyway. )

The saddest news is that I've now found out she specifically asked her friend to get in touch with me to tell me she was dying when she found out it was terminal. She was concerned I'd be sending e-mails to her at work and she wouldn't be replying.

Andrea. You've been taken far too soon. I'll miss you x x

Death of a Friend Part II

This also follows on nicely from 'Fantasy Island', the previous blog entry to this one.

Pain: The Stone has officially closed

Pleasure: It has now changed to a free site available to anyone. The puzzles appear to be the same too

Pain: I had to re-register, so all my completed puzzles are no longer there and have to be resolved.

Pleasure: Something to do during the long, drawn-out midweek workshifts !

Fantasy Island

A few days ago I returned from another flying visit to the Isle of Man. This time, that is technically accurate as I did choose to fly this time. Makes a world of difference, especially as the planes in both directions were half empty and I could stretch my legs out. (or were they half full...?)

The reason I'm writing this blog entry is because of Newton's Third Law of Motion. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. In reality that can translate as: For every act of pleasure, there is an equal and opposite act of pain.

I was travelling this time to stay with Lee, Laura and Tyler and to meet the new arrival, baby Jake. Also on the "to meet" list were Jackie (of course), Ali, a face from the past, and Glenn, an old work mate and one of my most loyal drinking buddies. It's these last three that help define Newton's principal. Lets take them in alphabetical order:

I had arranged to meet Ali for a drink on the day I arrived. I don't honestly know what preconceived ideas I had about seeing her again. She has always been on my mind since our brief liason. I think it was that nagging doubt in my head telling me the first time might have worked out differently if it hadn't been bad timing. I needed to know if something was there. A phoenix from the ashes so to speak. Had things moved on, or was this a chance to start something new?

The meeting was fantastic. No embarassing silences, just lots of chat. Nostalgic in places, looking forward in others. She is still as beautiful as ever, and it didn't take me long to realise my feelings for her hadn't really changed. But time has past, and it was clear that there was no point even attempting a relationship. I'm no longer local and she is off travelling again soon. We parted on good terms, and I hope she keeps in touch. For the first part of Newton's Principal though, it had ended with a hint of sadness that a chapter in my life was closing, probably for good.

...the equal and opposite pleasure? I met some random friends after seeing Ali, Sarah-Jayne included. She is a lovely girl, and has been going through a tough time recently. She's heavily pregnant, but the father has all but abandoned her. We chatted for ages and I didn't realise but occasionally I was rubbing her bump. When she left to go home, I got a text message. It was Sarah-Jayne inviting me back to her's to keep her bump company. She had enjoyed chatting to me, and adored the belly rubs. To cut a long story short, I ended up keeping her 'company' all night (I'll leave out the details because my Mum is probably reading this!!) Now, we text and message constantly, and things seem to be developing at a nice steady pace.

Ok, Part II, Glenn. We arranged to meet in his lunch-hour on the Friday for a beer or three and to catch up. Seeing Glenn again after nearly two years was great. That's the pleasure part.

..and here's the pain. His nearest pub was the QuarterBridge and I was staying at the far end of Farmhill (for non-Manx people that's about 35 mins on foot). I got to the rendezvous slightly before him, and when he showed up the pub still hadn't opened. In fact it looked almost deralict. The QB is not exactly near any other pubs, but we trekked off to the next nearest, The Pinewood in Pulrose. (Not anyone's first choice of drinking establishment, but needs must when you've been walking all morning and you're gasping for a drink!). When we arrived there, the brewery delivery van was unloading, and the pub...... was closed!

"Doesn't open til about 4 mate", said the delivery driver.

Next nearest would have been the Heron which is in....Farmhill, three quarters of the way back to where I set off from in the first place. In total I had been walking for an hour and a half, almost non-stop. No drink, no food and I was wearing completely the wrong trainers. But at least I did get to catch up with Glenn.

Finally, Jackie. Pleasure is the easy bit. She came out after work on the Thursday, we stayed out til the pubs shut (including a short lock-in at the last pub) and I got a cab back to Lee and Laura's. Jackie has this ability to put a smile on the faces of everyone in the room, without even trying. It was a fantastic night. A bit of pool, a jukebox, random chatter... you can't ask for more than that. Sarah-Jayne came back out for a while, and I got Jackie's seal of approval on that situation too (which means a lot).

..and the pain? Jackie missed her bus back to Port Erin, came back to the pub, carried on drinking but refused every offer of a spare bed for the night. Instead she chose to use her office keys to sleep at work. Consequence? She has had the office keys taken off her, as well as her job. The guilt I feel for this situation is off the scale.

Extra examples of Newtons principal from the trip:

Pleasure: Saw Nev again now he's back from the USA. Didn't even realise he was back. A great bloke. As he was back working in the pub, managed to catch up fully.
Pain: Ant (another great bloke) split from his girlfriend during the trip.

Pleasure: Met up briefly with Julie and Jasmine, and found out things were going a bit better between her and Jonathan.
Pain: Martin and Emma have started living apart, and neither knows if things will work out between them anymore.

...isn't life complicated?