The Definition of Idiot.

drunkeness level 0/5

There is a reason why the title of this blog describes me as an idiot, it's because I am one. I have proof now, and I'd like to share it with you. I wasn't going to, because it's personal about someone else, but it's been making me smile for a couple of days now everytime I re-live the moment, so I hope it's taken in the same spirit. :o)

It's Saturday night. I've been giving it up on the dance floor and it's leaving time. The most beautiful woman in the nightclub has agreed to come home with me for a cuddle - largely I think to do with alcohol consuption and the outrageous taxi prices on The Isle of Man. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I'm getting into bed, and she is already there before me, semi-naked. Just to reiterate this is one of the most beautiful women I have ever met, and she's lying in my bed.

Now, this part is NOT why I'm an idiot. If a bloke is reading this he will probably be calling me one because I didn't try 'anything'. I have to defend myself here, I had no intention of 'trying' anything. I should mention that this young lady is also my best friend, and no matter how much I care and love her, I'm never going to do anything to jeopardise our friendship. It's too strong. So no, that's not why I'm an idiot. I maybe a pervert most of the time, but I can be trusted to be a gentleman when the moment is right. This was one of those moments. Having her company for the night was more than I could have hoped for.

Anyway...I'm getting off track. I'm in bed, and I want a hug. Nothing sinster about that. We're both adults, we both care for each other, a simple hug to go to sleep. She's already on her side so all it needs is a friendly arm wrapped round her and all is well with the world....now we get to the idiot part.

I couldn't just drape my arm over her and fall asleep could I? oh no, My active brain is now into overdrive. I know I'm being a gentleman, I know my conscience is perfectly clear..... but does she know that? (in reality she's probably already dead to the world and oblivious to the dilemma I'm putting myself through!)

So, first attempt at hugging her and not making myself look like I'm being naughty. My right arm over her up at shoulder height. Her arm is outstretched, so now mine is lying along hers. Quite comfy, I'm probably not putting too much of my weight on her so it's all good. Gently stroking her arm I could easily drop off like this.......but wait......Because of where her arms are, she might think I'm trying to move them out of the way to get to her boobies! Oh shit!

Ok, second attempt. Further down her body and waist height. A natural place to hug someone, so that's good. Arm goes RIGHT round her. No matter, it's a natural position, still comfy, even less weight pressing on her, so all is good. A gentle kiss on the back of her neck (because that's where my face is placed)........but wait.......Because of the top she's wearing my arm is half on cloth and half on her bare flesh. She might think I'm trying to get under her shirt! Oh shit!

Third attempt, can't really go any lower, body wise, so I'll back away a few inches and rest my hand on her hip. Not too bad. Not a natural sleeping position , but it's still comfy and I'm less intrusive on her personal space now. All is good......but wait...... now my hand is half on her bare flesh, and half on her knickers. This probably looks worse that it did before. Instead of going for her boobies, she now might think I'm after something else instead. Oh shit!

Final attempt, Arm down her leg. (I'm getting desperate now). Almost immedately that felt wrong. It was lovely for me, but it looked like I was trying to get her to move her legs apart! Big 'Oh Shit!' for that one.

So now what do I do? Well I went back to the first attempt, gave her another kiss on the back of the neck, whispered a soft 'goodnight' to her and tried to fall asleep. I know I woke up about an hour later with my back to her, so I must have turned over anyway.

So, for being a gentleman and not trying it on, I am not an idiot. If anyone thinks I am, then so be it. But for turning a simple hug into the biggest melodrama since 'I Claudius' then I am a 100%, 24 carat, bone fide idiot, and probably always will be

Next time (if there is a next time) I'll make sure I get into bed first and she can do all the work! Being a gentleman can be a stressful experience.

....All the joking aside, it meant so much. Probably a lot more than I can ever express in words.