January 27, 2010

♫ ♪ "When I am King, You Shall Be Queen..." ♫ ♪

This is an ongoing problem I've encountered over the past few weeks.

For Christmas, in amongst the miriad of books I received as presents, I was also given a tiny cushion and a bottle of lavender oil. When I say 'tiny' I really do mean miniscule, no more than two inches square. It has the image of a sad teddy bear on one side, and plain red on the other. If it hadn't come with the bottle of aromatic oil, I would have assumed it was a pin cushion (and then I would have worried as to why my parents were buying me a pin cushion for Christmas!)

...but with the bottle, I assume I'm supposed to put a few drops onto the fabric and put it in bed with me to help me drop off to sleep. Makes sense, and about a week ago I tried it for the first time. It's not an unpleseant aroma, and if nothing else, it acts like a mini air freshener. But, dear reader, if that was the end of the tale, it wouldn't make much of a blog story would it?

Okay, so I've used it one night, and the next morning woken up and gone to work. When I get back, and preparing to go back to sleep, it would be nice to refresh the little cushion with fresh oil...

..but where is it?

At the moment I have two single duvets on my bed that I 'borrowed' from the spare room. There are also two blankets which I sometimes sleep on top of, and occasionally, underneath (depending on the night-time temperature). Somewhere in amongst the folds of all this bed linen is this petite pillow that I need to find so I can add a few more drops of lavender. I really can't find it anywhere.

By the end of the frantic search, I've stripped the bed, been down on my hands and knees with a torch, and still I can't find it. If this cushion was supposed to aid a restful sleep, it was doing a good job of getting me stressed. Then I did something that I could only do because there was no one there to witness it...

...I got up on the bed, on all fours, and started sniffing around like a pig hunting for truffles. I was following the faint scent of the floral oil, trying to determine where the aroma was strongest, in the vain hope it would lead me to the cushion. I snuffled around, my nose pressed into the mattress, my two teddy bear sleeping companions looking on in disbelief...

...but it worked. Somehow it had managed to work itself into the slipcase of one of the proper pillows. A few drops added, bed remade and I could try to drift off to the Land of Nod. There is an extra part to this tale though - the same thing happened three nights in a row, and each time the cushion appeared in a different place. The second night it had fallen out of bed and 'bounced' under my bedside table, the third night it was hiding underneath Cheeky Monkey....

...so much for helping relieve stress!

p.s. This could well be the most obscure blog title I have used to date. A big pat of the back if you understand the relevance of it.

January 21, 2010

My Magnificent Octopus Part IX

I know I've updated you on the book a few days ago, but a lot has happened since then.

Firstly, I think I've got round the issue of the name spelling without too much hassle. It did involve changing the direction of the plot slightly, but seeing as it's already changed several hundred times since I originally started this, then once more won't make any difference.

Secondly, I've added nearly 4,000 words to it over these two days, and it's only lunchtime on Wednesday right now. As I'm not due back into work until 2pm on Thursday, there is still room for a lot more input yet. My fingers will have blisters on them, the speed they have been dancing over this laptop keyboard!

Thirdly, I got to a point where I could wrap the story up. By that I mean, a clue was revealed that is enough to fit all the other pieces together for DCI Morgen. I plan on winding it up in true Christie style with a gathering of characters and a revelation of the whole thing, (and that bit hasn't been written yet), but it does mean I'm coming to the end.

..and by end, I mean the story will have a beginning, middle and end completed. There will still be several thousand words to add to flesh out certain scenes, and add extra scenes to throw readers away from the real plot. Can't make it too easy for you now can I :D

I have learned a few things recently about writing that I wish I had known from day one. I should have kept a fake diary so I have a definite timeline of events in the story. It's amazing how often you want to write 'yesterday' or 'a few days ago' but I have to check that the events I'm talking about really were 'yesterday' or 'a few days ago'. The concept of time passing is really hard to keep track of.

The other difficult bit is one I know some TV detective shows have failed to spot. Which characters know what information. I've lost track of the amount of times I've seen Barnaby or Marple etc mention something in their big conclusion speech that they had no way of knowing. Yes, we the audience knew about it because we saw it in a flash-back or as an extra scene, but how did the detective find out? I can sympathise with the writers though, I keep finding myself writing a piece of speech for one person, then realising they can only have known if if they had been told by someone else. Again, if I'd kept a detailed notebook which cross-referenced the information it would have been easier...

...I'll know for next time :)

January 18, 2010

Just Call me Interflora

I haven't told you all about my metro-sexual moment have I? I know I told my Mum on the phone, but I should share it with all of you guys too...a few days ago I came home with a bunch of flowers for my apartment.

Now we have to make a few things clear. Firstly I had been drinking. Drinking a lot. It was a day off and the sun was making an appearance. (I'm glad I made the most of it too, because the weather that followed was the worst I've experienced since I got here)

Secondly, I had just been reading a murder mystery book about teddy bears. Without reading it yourselves, you won't understand what I mean, but trust me, you will either bring your lunch back up, or have a warm, 'fuzzy' feeling inside you. (If I'm honest I was somewhere inbetween, but if it involves teddies, then the fuzzy feeling will usually win through)

Thirdly, I had 80c in loose change in my pocket, and loose change always burns a hole. If I don't need it for bus fare then it usually gets spent on something.

I was walking home from the bar, and as the road from the main seafront takes a sharp left turn phill, there was a guy with a box of flowers placed in front of him. Now I know I was under the influence, but I was perfectly aware he was some kind of tramp, which means the flowers were either stolen or weeds....and I walked past, mearly glancing at the box of blooms.

...but they did look pretty, and on the side of the box it said '25c' scribbled in dodgy handwriting.

This bit I couldn't believe. 25c for a bunch of flowers? even if they are weeds or stolen they can't surely be 25c a bundle? I had to ask...

...but they were...

...and so I bought three bundles, for 75c (actually the full 80c, I let him keep the 5c change!)

What were they? I still have no idea. A sort of cross between buttercups and daisies, but they were genuinely pretty, and had a very strong bouquet. I carried them home (getting a few funny looks from passing ladies who were probably wondering why I was carrying a handful of weeds) and went to the kitchen to find a make-shift vase. Only thing I could find were these pint glasses I have that are fluted, like a giant sherry glass. I placed the flowers into one of them, and realised three bundles were a bit too much for one tumbler. No matter, I'd just force them in one way or another. But then...

...I knocked it off the counter onto the tiled kitchen floor and in slow motion I watched the glass smash.

I put the flowers into another pint glass, placed the impromtu vase next to the TV and the aroma was almost instant, it made the apartment smell slightly less 'blokish'...

...but they are still weeds and they did cost me a pint glass!

p.s. They are now starting to wilt and turn a bit brown. I think it's been nearly a full week though, so for 80c can I really complain?

My Magnificent Octopus Part VIII

I am determined to finish this bloody book if it kills me!

I moved from early to late shifts yesterday, but of course you can't program your body to adjust that quickly. Even without the alarm getting me up at 5.30am I was still awake in time to see the sunrise. I had over 6 hours to kill before I had to go for my bus, but financially I was stranded in my apartment. Time to dig out the memory stick and crack on with the novel.

...and I did, and it flowed, and it felt great. For the past week or so I have played out the rest of the novel in my head in various different ways, but it's amazing what happens when I start to type. As I finish one sentence, the entire plot can take a new twist, and I'm fighting to get it back on the original track. The story literally evolves as it is written. But there is a reason I am letting my dedicated blog readers know I have been back in front of the laptop...

...I've made a major mistake and it is ingrained right through the plot.

Without giving the plot away too much, I'll try to explain:

A key part of the story involves a historical event, one that is in no way famous or memorable (in reality, the very fact it is not a significant event is also part of the plot) but it is still a historical event. It involved real people who have real names and real professions (again, both of these facts are significant)

Ok, the big problem is their names play a key part of the story and from day one I've been spelling one of them wrong. Only one letter, but still it's incorrect. (Imagine spelling the surname Thompson without the 'P'. Still a real surname, but technically a completely different word.) Of course I can use the 'Find and Replace' function in Microsoft Word, but as I've already explained, the name is significant, including the spelling.

So, I have a dilemma. Do I carry on, pretend the original (real) person spelt their name the way I have been doing it and thus keep my plot intact, or do I go right back and change it all. No one that reads the book will EVER know who the original person was, and would never bother to check, but what if I got the book published? There will always be one clever sod out there who would pull me up on the mistake.

It really is annoying me now. It's such a small thing, and yet such a key element to the plot. It has also come at a time when I am really getting back into the writing too, which means it's holding me back in more ways than one.

..I'm sure I'll think of something!

p.s. Thompson/Thomson was just an example, that isn't the real spelling mistake I have made. I used that in tribute to the detectives in the Tintin stories who are always incorrectly referred to as the Thompson twins, despite the fact they are not related and have different surnames. Any true Tintin fan probably already knew that :D

January 14, 2010

€1.16 For a Bus?!? Where Does it Go? The Moon and Back?!?

I've been here nearly 5 months and in that time I must have caught over 200 buses, but so far they have all cost 47¢. Yesterday I finally ventured out of my comfort zone, and went on a long distance journey.

Actually, 'out of my zone' is quite an apt phrase as the bus service over here is based on a zone system. By leaving Zone 1 for the first time since I landed on this rock, I was going to have to pay for the priviledge. I was off to Buggiba to have a few drinks with an old friend from the Isle of Man, someone I haven't seen since I moved. It happened to be his birthday too, so all the more reason that I should travel to him, rather than the other way round.

I was also meant to meet up with his partner, another old friend from my past life, but sadly she had tummy trouble. I'm sure I'll catch up with her soon though.

Ok, so I'm off to Buggiba. There were a few things working against me for this visit though. Firstly, it's out of season, and Buggiba is completely set up for the summer tourist crowd. Imagine what Blackpool seafront looks like in the middle of Winter and you get a pretty accurate picture. Bars with neon signs advertising nightly kareoke, cafes that have 'all day breakfasts', tacky tourist shops selling anything they can print a picture of a bus on, take-away restaurants offering a cardiac arrest in a plastic tray, all up to the usual standard you'd expect from a British seaside resort - and just like the UK, there was a gale blowing - and just like it's British cousins, everything was shut.

Well, not everything, but for every bar that was open, there were six or seven with the shutters down. With the driving rain pounding against the pavement it could easily pass as a ghost town. If it wasn't for the steady stream of buses arriving I'd assume I was Omega Man, the last human on earth.

I sound like I hated the place, that's not true - I just wish it had been open. I guess I would have preferred to first visit the town during the right season, so I could appreciate the reason for it's existance. It looked like the kind of place that catered for a good night out, without having to deal with the idiots in Paceville (the main night-club area of Malta).

..but the rain never let up. Wave after wave of heavy showers coupled with swirling wind. I met up with my friends (another person I knew from Isle of Man came along too) and we had a few drinks. It actually took three pubs before we found one that was open by the way (it was called The George in case you ever find yourself in the same position) and I left just before 8pm to catch the last bus home.

..oh yes, another problem, the frequency of the buses. Last bus out is before 8pm, even at weekends and during the summer, and being in zone 2 means a higher fare too. I was almost the only person travelling back to Sliema, there was just one other person who sat on the back seat of the bus listening to her ipod at an ear-piercing volume level.

I know I'll go back, after all, three of my friends live there, but I can't see me making an effort unless it was to meet them in the near furture. Next time I venture back without that excuse will have to be when the temperature is heading back up...

...and the rainy season has passed.

January 07, 2010

Such a Geek!

This entry is going to make me sound like such a nerd, but hey, it's my blog and if I want to sound like I belong at a Star Trek convention I will do!

As the calendar flipped over to 2010, I was in a position to get a betting program set up for the forthcoming Football World Cup. Yes, it's not until June, but punters want to place early bets on it, and if you can be first in the market, you get the upper hand on your competitors. I took it upon myself to get the betting list up and running.

Are you familiar with sports betting? I know some of you will be, but just in case you're not, you have to imagine that people want to be able to bet on everything and anything. It's not just 'who will win the world cup?' it's things like 'who will be the tournament's leading goalscorer?', 'at what stage will Germany get knocked out of the tournament?', 'How many points will South Korea get in their three group games?'. You get the picture? If you can think of a legimate bet, someone out there will want odds for it.

Ok, Some of the odds are pretty straight forward to set. Tournament Winner etc., but others require a bit of careful planning, and here comes the geeky bit.

There are thirty-two teams in the event, and initially they are divided into eight leagues of four teams. Each team plays the other three teams in their league and the best two go through to the next phase. During this 'group phase' teams get three points for victory, one point for a draw and a big fat zero for losing. Doesn't take much mathematic reasoning to see that each team can score between zero and nine points (except for eight points which is impossible to obtain from three matches).

..and here comes the bet. Take any team, and bet on how many points they will get from their three opening games. Doesn't matter which team you support, you can bet on them. Perhaps you think France will beat all three of their opponents - so you can get a price for France to win nine points. Do you think England will easily win two of their fixtures, but might only manage a draw against USA? No problem, you can bet on England to finish the group games on seven points. Still with me?

Thirty-two teams, nine possible point outcomes (zero to nine excluding eight points). Two hundred and eighty-eight seperate bets. It can't be done by hand, you have to create a formula....and so I did.

Took a while and a lot of failed attempts, but then I finally hit upon the winning combination. The formula was written in Microsoft Excel, and could have rivalled the Encyclopedia Britannica if I printed it out, but there it was. I could enter the details of any team, and out popped a table of bettings odds for all the nine different point outcomes.

..The hard part now was the laboreous bit - typing it all into our computer system. The formula may generate the odds for me, but nothing is in place to help me export them all over to the other system. With a couple of breaks to work on other things, it took me just short of five hours to complete the typing.

..but there's more...the geeky bit :D

Up until a moment ago, I had nothing to compare my odds with. No other bookmaker I could find was offering these bets. That was until I found a leading British online bookmaker was offering it (but only for the England team). Tentatively I compared my odds to theirs. Chances are they had a super computer generating their odds, not a ream of scrap paper and one chap in front of a keyboard....

...and all nine odds were in the same ball-park! That is to say they agreed with my figures. (not exactly of course, would be a very boring industry if all our odds were identical, but they were all comparible). This meant two things. Firstly it meant I had the formula right, so I could trust the other two hundred and seventy nine odds, and secondly...

....it meant I am permitted to wear a smug face for a few days :)