Definition of an Eejit Part IX

Ok, there is an extra story to tell from yesterday.

I had a day at home yesterday, it's called a Supervisor day. Occasionally it works out that there is a day with too many people in the office, so I 'work from home'. I don't actually do any work, but I stay in the flat, ready to take any calls from my team with problems, or go into the office at short notice. Although it's a day off, I don't plan to go anywhere in case I'm needed.

Anyway, I'm at home. I'm curled up under my duvet so I don't have to put the heating on (anything to keep the electricity bill down). I'm watching a selection of Basil Rathbone Sherlock Holmes films and eating a plum bio-yoghurt (not relevant, but helps build a picture). I've already told you guys how bad my bed is, but right now the mattress is getting beyond a joke. There are ridges in it now, as though whatever frame is inside is trying to break through. I had had enough, so I decided to flip the mattress over.

I stripped the bed, flung all the pillows on the tiny floor space (after removing the cases) removed the duvet cover and put the duvet on the floor too, leaving nothing but the mattress on the broken wooden frame of my bed. There was hardly any room for me to stand with all the bedding scattered around, but I managed. I lifted the mattress, balanced it on it's long edge, and prepared to turn it.

But looking at the underside, it didn't look any healthier. There were ridges showing on that side too, in the same position, just above half-way. New idea came to mind. Not only would I flip the mattress, but I'd spin it through 180 degrees as well.

This is where the plan went wrong. I started turning the mattress around, but it got wedged between the ceiling and bedframe, so I put it back again.

I tried turning it towards me, but it wouldn't fit between the wall and the wardrobe.

I tried bending it a bit, but there wasn't much give in it, so it wouldn't contort enough to move. At this point the mattress sprang back into shape, hit me in the face and knocked me over. So I gave up trying.

I put the mattress back down on the frame, put on a fresh cover sheet, put on a new duvet cover and pillow cases, and was about to get back into bed. It was then that I realised what I'd done...

...in all the attempts to rotate, flip and spin the mattress, I had put it back exactly where it had been 30 minutes before. Same way up, same way round. All I had acheived was to change all my bedding....

..Will I ever learn?