Let me......Entertain You

Drunkeness Level 0/5

As requested by a certain 'young' lady I'm blogging today just to keep people entertained.

How about random facts intermingled with one-line jokes? (is intermingled really a word?)

Fact 1: In Reno Nevada, often described as little Vegas, it is illegal to lie down on the pavement

Joke 1: I phoned my local gym and asked them if they could teach me how to do the splits. "Are you flexible?" They asked. "Well I can't make Tuesdays, but other than that I am"

Fact 2: A cat's urine will glow under a 'blacklight' (an ultraviolet light)

Joke 2: I read in the news today that the price of hearing aids has almost doubled in the past few weeks. Deaf people all over the country are going "How much?"

Fact 3: The cigarette lighter was invented and patented before the match

Joke 3: I was getting in my car and a friend came up and said "can you give me a lift?" "Sure", I said, "You're intelligent, attractive and everyone likes you."

Fact 4: According to leading economists, if they came up for sale, the three most valuable brand names in the world would be: Marlboro, Coca-Cola and Budweiser

Joke 4: I told my Mum last week that I had bought a theatre. "Are you having me on?" she asked. "Well I'll give you an audition, but no promises."

Fact 5: Andorra has an unemployment rate of 0%. In contrast, the unemployment rate in Liberia is over 85%

Joke 5: I rang up my local swimming baths. "Is that the local swimming baths?" I asked. "Dunno", came the reply, "depends where you're calling from."